West Ham Banter – Your funniest fan-wit moments

claret and blues west ham gavFootball is a great game. We love it for a number of reasons. The beauty of a sublime move involving multiple passes, and great movement, rates high on the list. A sweet strike nestling in the back of the net is also up there. Then there’s the atmosphere of a noisy crowd sending shivers down your spine. There are so many things that have us all hooked. Undoubtedly one of these facets is fan banter. Those quick witted chants that someone comes up with on the spur of a moment are both amusing and admirable for their speed of thought. There are quite a few that spring to mind from the games I’ve seen with our brilliant fans. The example I’ll recount comes from around 1985 at Old Trafford. We lost the game 5-1. When the Manchester United 5th went in there were ironic cheers from the West Ham faithful before real cheers when our consolation goal went in.

I could be wrong but I think it was Jesper Olson who was asked, by Ron Atkinson, to go and warm up. After some light jogging he started his stretches – leaning to either side. Little did the Manchester United winger know that he would be accompanied by a chorus of ‘Oops-upside your head’ from the Hammers fans. I was actually stood in the Stretford End on that occasion but it didn’t stop me, or those around me, laughing out loud.

West Ham stick by Slaven Bilic

West Ham’s owners stick with Slaven Bilic
West Ham’s owners stick with Slaven Bilic

West Ham’s owners stick with Slaven Bilic


graham-harris-claret-and-bluesI’m pleased to hear that we’re standing by Slaven Bilic. Let’s lob a few thoughts in your direction, and see where we go. 
Goatygav is officially Bullet Point Man on this site, but I’m sure he won’t mind if I adopt the old ‘alt-8’ key combination on my Mac to throw up these six thoughts and then stand aside while you fire back.

  • Panic stations?
    Hope not – too much short-termism in football. Let’s give the manager and the players scope to turn things round.
  • Excuses?
    Maybe. But you can’t deny we’ve had injuries to key players and we started the season on the wrong foot as a result. We’ve played through to this point without a recognised striker. When Diafra Sakho returned we looked like turning the corner, but – boom! – he’s out again and Aaron Cresswell and Michail Antonio were two massive absences for us against Arsenal. Arsenal were going to turn over anyone the mood they were in.

  • Weather the storm?
    We always knew this was going to be a tough phase – but we nearly nicked a win at Tottenham, which would have been an amazing result, and that would have put a different complexion on things.

I need a new crystal ball – you need to get it off your chest, West Ham fan

graham-harris-claret-and-bluesYou could see this one coming a mile off. Just as you could see our dismal showing at Old Trafford.

I take no joy in saying that after 10 minutes of Wednesday’s defeat I texted a friend to predict a 4-1 defeat. Similarly, even before the first goal went in last night I messaged Goatygav to say ‘I fear a thrashing’.

In terms of being a West Ham fan, I am rapidly approaching wizened old man status so I, like many of you, have seen and experienced this all before.

That doesn’t make it any easier to stomach.

So, come on, get it off your chest. Do you see this as one of those phases that we’ll pull through and look back in May and wonder what all the fuss was about, or do we need to see drastic changes?

I was more infuriated by the late capitulation against Tottenham than last night’s thrashing, because in that game we looked a good team and the game was there for the winning.

Last night we started without our two best players and were forced to bring on someone who for various reasons probably has no desire to put in a performance for our manager, let alone the rest of us. So I was expecting the worst from an in-form Arsenal (the Premier League version, not the EFL version, obvs).

Arsenal are sharp when they’re in the mood, and we gave them every opportunity to show their cutting edge. You have to say they scored some good goals.